You're Your Own Worst Enemy (YYOWE!): Slaying Your Inner Financial Villains

Retirement, travel, someday-a-beach-house dreams—your money’s supposed to be the sidekick that makes them happen. Instead, sometimes it feels like your wallet sneaks off to the dark side, hires a squad of cartoon villains, and leaves you holding an empty popcorn bucket. But fear not: every evil power can be countered by a superhero strength. Let’s suit up.

Two Bobs walk into a Canadian forest… one’s busy plotting world destruction with a hockey stick of doom, the other’s politely apologizing for having to stop him. #BearlyLegal

Meet the Financial Villains

• The Market Menace (fear of stocks) - Paralysis by what-if. ...“What if the market crashes forever?”...

• The Impulse Imp (impulse spending) - Sneaky “just one more” purchases that add up faster than cat videos.

• The Analysis Anaconda (analysis paralysis) - Strangles you with endless research until you never actually pull the trigger.

• The Procrastination Phantom (saving delay) - Haunts you with tomorrow-I’ll-start vibes, while today’s opportunities slip away.

• The Lifestyle Leech (lifestyle creep) - Siphons your raises into fancier coffees and subscription services.

• The Emotional Enticer (retail therapy) - Drowns your budget in “feel-good” buys whenever stress knocks.

Summon Your Superpowers

• Courage of Calculated Leaps vs. The Market Menace Start small with low-cost ETFs or index funds. Watch your confidence—and balance—grow.

• Budget Blaster vs. The Impulse Imp Automate a weekly spending cap. Every time you’re tempted, your Budget Blaster zaps overshoot warnings to your phone.

• Focused Action Beam vs. The Analysis Anaconda Set a 48-hour deadline for any financial decision. No second-guessing, just deliberate moves.

• Time-Warping Momentum vs. The Procrastination Phantom Schedule “money minutes” on your calendar—two tiny slots per week reserved for saving or investing.

• Upgrade Shield vs. The Lifestyle Leech For every new indulgence, commit to a matching contribution to your retirement or emergency fund.

• Emotional Armor vs. The Emotional Enticer Before hitting “buy,” pause for a five-minute (beter yet 24hr) reality check. ....Do you really need it, or just want it?

Retirement isn’t some distant cabin of solitude* you’ll awkwardly stumble into one day. It’s the epic finale you script right now by banishing these villains. Strap on your cape, ignite those superpowers, and watch your wealth sidekick kick a** instead of running off with the Zamboni.

*not my first choice.. was fortress of s______(rhymes with 'attitude' but some guy in a red cape and blue spandex sent me a cease and desist order). I told him he could go up, up and away himself